Tuesday, July 26, 2005
hello! a new blog again... but hey, at least my other one lasted longer then many other diary attempts. i was apparently right, i'm online so often, i actually could use my time to blog.. and it worked! but the problem is.. i keep talking about my day... it gets boring. instead, i think i'm going to focus more on serious issues.. or share the more exciting bits of my life with more details. however, that's not the only reason i'm starting a new blog. God played a part. (he usually does ^^) as i'm proud to say, i'm a christian. just because i'm a christian doesn't mean i don't struggle with my life though, and i had a bit of a struggle recently. well, it started a few years ago, but it didn't get so bad up until this year.
it started with my daydreaming, i always have time to wonder about things... the human mind thinks at a pretty fast speed, so i'm always pondering and forming thoeries inside my head. one day, i was thinking about how i've been going to church from young. then i began to wonder if i really knew God and believed in him. at that moment, wheels started spinning faster.
how do i know if i really love God? i've done many wrongs, and that doesn't seems to show that i love God. i don't even do my quiet time (i still don't, eh heh). maybe... maybe i should stop going to church... if i really love God.. i would always turn back.. or God will call me.. but i feared that if i told my parents how i felt, then they would get all pray-ie and etc. so i decided to leave the church (and God) when i turn 21. at the same time though, i was afraid to leave God's presence at all. i've seen for myself how good he is, i know he is real. so i was afraid, i asked God what i should do. i told him that he knows what my troubles are, and i need him to tell me what to do. or just DO something. and guess what? he did. he just took his own sweet time to do it. haha...^^
it was in sydney, on the day we (mum, aunty ruth, deniece and i) arrived. we were to stay in the house of prayer. the kids were having their usual prayer meeting, so we joined in. during the prayer meeting, aunty jane suggested that the kids pray for us to see what God has to tell us. when aunty jane told me God said he'll give me eyes to see him, i started brawling...^^ll'l my prayers were answered! now i can go to God without doubting and asking soooOO many questions. i felt refreshed that day, and was also able to attend the hillsong conference without feeling out of place. it was fabulous.
i guess this is the reason why i'm starting a new blog. i want to start anew. so here i am. ^^
